It is after ten. I just finished seeing my last client. I walked in the door, went to the fridge, and looked to see what was there. Chicken strips. Some questionable hummus, Kraft singles, various sauces and salad dressings, frozen peas, carrots, and whatnot. I closed the door, turned to my left and grabbed a can of green beans. Good enough.
I am tired, but this is a processing blog, so I figure it doesn't hurt to type about what has been on my mind. Today was the first day that I have been on campus doing therapy with clients since they have started back for the year. I work with kids doing psychotherapy in the same school I graduated from. It feels strange walking the same halls that I walked as an awkward teen, but the familiarity is nice as well. I ran into one of my old teachers today and apologized for an offhanded comment about how I had been in German too long to consider taking German 3. To this day, I wish I had taken German 3.
My brain has been turned into a steaming puddle of Jello. My hope is that a good night's sleep will return it to a nice brainy-shaped brain. For now, I sleep.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Headlights and Lemonade
Considering how many jiggles, jostles, and jolts headlights get throughout their life, it is kinda amazing that they last as long as they do. I tip my hat to the engineers. Shortly after coming home from playing SNES at a friend's house, I noticed that I was hungry. Microwaved chicken strips are pretty tasty, so I went ahead and made some in a paper SOLO brand bowl. Why a bowl you ask? Because I'm out of paper plates, silly. I have some foam plates, but they decide that they are contortionists when I toss them in the microwave with food on them. They then make me wonder if they have shared any of their chemically goodness with me while I am consuming the steaming disproportionately heated delicacy. The chicken strip that I am currently chewing on is crispy on one side, leather on the other, and soggy on the bottom. Oh, the joys of modern technology.
In other news, I went to Sunday night church tonight. At one time it absolutely drove me nuts when someone would say, "Hey, we missed you at church last night". This was when I was going regularly. For the first time in ages, I can finally say that I appreciate invites to church. It's strange. I have been missing the community that comes with attending church. The hugs, smiles, and encouragement are vital to my soul. I think God may have read my last few posts and figured it would be humorous to make my claims of medicating away my spirituality a falsehood. Good one God. You just wait, the next joke is on you. Actually, due to your omniscience, I'll never be able to say "gotcha" to you. You win. God. He's got jokes.
Theologically, I am not really a Baptist, yet I appreciate the way in which the Bible is interpreted in the Baptist church. I can count on sound doctrine to be preached each time I walk through those doors. If I'm going to subject myself to a sermon, I'll take sound doctrine over "I think the Bible says xyz" any day.
Brown sugar lemonade is pretty tasty.
In other news, I went to Sunday night church tonight. At one time it absolutely drove me nuts when someone would say, "Hey, we missed you at church last night". This was when I was going regularly. For the first time in ages, I can finally say that I appreciate invites to church. It's strange. I have been missing the community that comes with attending church. The hugs, smiles, and encouragement are vital to my soul. I think God may have read my last few posts and figured it would be humorous to make my claims of medicating away my spirituality a falsehood. Good one God. You just wait, the next joke is on you. Actually, due to your omniscience, I'll never be able to say "gotcha" to you. You win. God. He's got jokes.
Theologically, I am not really a Baptist, yet I appreciate the way in which the Bible is interpreted in the Baptist church. I can count on sound doctrine to be preached each time I walk through those doors. If I'm going to subject myself to a sermon, I'll take sound doctrine over "I think the Bible says xyz" any day.
Brown sugar lemonade is pretty tasty.
Momentum
Oh, the momentum needed to get up out of this chair is just not there. I know that the wise thing to do would be to get up, shut off all of the lights, climb into bed, turn my phone alarm on (speaking of phone, where is that thing? Is it still outside? Crap. I should go get that. Nope, no momentum). That, that right there. I think this is a problem. It is a problem that is easily fixable though! When you write a problem down, it then becomes fixable. Let's be honest, how many people routinely check pipes for leaks? Zero? Probably not, but I don't have time to do research. I barely have the gumption to keep my fingers moving. We fix pipes when they burst leaving our walls buckling, bulging, spewing, and weeping tears of doom.
Therefore, I'm gonna go grab my wallet and head to bed. I think.
Therefore, I'm gonna go grab my wallet and head to bed. I think.
I'm in denial of insomnia
So, I probably have insomnia.
I often find myself day after day awake at absolutely ungodly hours trying to convince myself that I will either fall asleep again or that I can stay awake until about 7:00 the next evening. Well, I don't end up staying up all of the next day. Usually, the sun comes up and a switch flips indicating that it is time to fall asleep. This is fine as long it is the weekend, but there are times when I have to go to work. Oh, these days are fun. I generally either medicate or caffeinate the sleep away (all legal). By the end of the day, I am ready to crawl into bed and sleep for 24 hours. But, alas. I go to bed at about 6:30 and wake up between 2:30 and 3:00. If I make it to 4:30, that is a magical time when I usually get up, take a shower, make breakfast, and then celebrate how awesome it will be to do this every morning between now and eternity. Yeah, that doesn't happen. I end up hitting a tired wall about 6:30, to to bed, and wake up between... You get the picture.
Now, why am I up typing when I could be going to bed? I just decided to start this secret public journal. I don't have time to sleep! Thank you Mike Birbiglia for the inspiration.
Some may say that this is a terrible idea since I am a mental health professional, but hey, if my clients stumble across this on the internet, then they will at the very least know that I am a real person. These posts are going to be written in hopes that they will make someone smile. I use humor in a therapeutic setting, and it works wonders.
By the way, I am currently inhaling orange Tic-Tacs. They have a relatively gross outer shell, yet as you let them dissolve, you are hit by this tangy-tart center that keeps you going back for more!
And now, I am actually feeling a pull to the bed. I will try hard to wake up by 10:00 tomorrow morning. We'll see what happens.
I often find myself day after day awake at absolutely ungodly hours trying to convince myself that I will either fall asleep again or that I can stay awake until about 7:00 the next evening. Well, I don't end up staying up all of the next day. Usually, the sun comes up and a switch flips indicating that it is time to fall asleep. This is fine as long it is the weekend, but there are times when I have to go to work. Oh, these days are fun. I generally either medicate or caffeinate the sleep away (all legal). By the end of the day, I am ready to crawl into bed and sleep for 24 hours. But, alas. I go to bed at about 6:30 and wake up between 2:30 and 3:00. If I make it to 4:30, that is a magical time when I usually get up, take a shower, make breakfast, and then celebrate how awesome it will be to do this every morning between now and eternity. Yeah, that doesn't happen. I end up hitting a tired wall about 6:30, to to bed, and wake up between... You get the picture.
Now, why am I up typing when I could be going to bed? I just decided to start this secret public journal. I don't have time to sleep! Thank you Mike Birbiglia for the inspiration.
Some may say that this is a terrible idea since I am a mental health professional, but hey, if my clients stumble across this on the internet, then they will at the very least know that I am a real person. These posts are going to be written in hopes that they will make someone smile. I use humor in a therapeutic setting, and it works wonders.
By the way, I am currently inhaling orange Tic-Tacs. They have a relatively gross outer shell, yet as you let them dissolve, you are hit by this tangy-tart center that keeps you going back for more!
And now, I am actually feeling a pull to the bed. I will try hard to wake up by 10:00 tomorrow morning. We'll see what happens.
Where am I?
I cannot remember the last time I opened a Bible. I'm sure it was one of the Bibles at First Baptist Church in Pyatt, Ar. My prayers have been limited to a brief mumble to a seemingly distant God when friends ask for prayer or a last-ditch effort to feel connection. I stepped into FBC Yellville, AR about a week and a half ago and I felt something. I know that it was God's presence, but as soon as I walked back into my life, the feeling was gone.
I told my mother the other day that I feel as if I have medicated my spirituality away, and I am fairly certain that I have. I am all for the use of psychotropic medication, but there is hard research indicating that it can make spirituality go "poof". I am the product of poofed spirituality. Am I still a Christian? Certainly. I believe every bit of what is outlined in the first post of this blog, yet I am very much a shell of who I was when I first typed those words. Perhaps shell is a bit superlative. Lets say, I am a stuffed shell with various hydrogenated oils, pasteurized processed cheese food product, and a touch of caviar when I'm having a "good day".
The mental health professional in me is saying, "David, that is negative self-talk. Correct it!" Ok. Fine, self. I am an overall good guy who truly cares about people. Happy? Yeah, me neither. Although as I reflect on what I've written, I do get a basic sense of joy that I am writing again. Hey, I may be on to something! And, there we have it. The reason that I am writing. I love the written word. I love expressing myself, and I miss the freedom that comes with blogging. So, to all who stumble across my musings, this is far less a ministry and more of a glimpse into the mind of someone who loves the Lord but is acknowledging where I am at this very moment, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
Ahh, and what has transpired since my last post? Oh, so much. The details of my brief marriage will one day be the subject of a riveting movie, so I won't bore you with the details. Suffice to say, I will likely make millions on the screenplay. Perhaps I can convince Chris Hemsworth to portray me and Zooey Deschanel to portray Tia. I'd pay money to watch that.
I am ready to make the world laugh again, so here goes.
Ok, now, world? Let's be honest. You have kinda gone to crap. Ah, and there's the negativity monitor going off again! But, David, you were just down at the creek today observing the beauty of nature with your dad. Yes, but as I got close to the water's edge, those rapids made me feel as if they were going to pull me in. That wasn't very nice now was it? No. Bad rapids. Go lay down.
I do try to make an effort to get out of the house and go driving regularly. If I have the chance to take pictures, I take pictures. I try to put my FJ Cruiser in the pictures because I really like that thing. It is big. It is orange, and my clients have deemed it "The Great Pumpkin". I'll take that over creamsicle any day (yes, someone actually told me that it looked like a creamsicle).
This post is getting to be a bit long, so I am going to end it here. Yes, I am about to start a whole new blog post.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The beauty of order and goals
I have recently started to make a concerted effort to organize my life. For quite some time, my home had a somewhat of a haphazard order to it. It wasn't dirty. It was just cluttered. Likewise, my study habits were sufficient, yet they were often hurried and stressful. And finally, my eating habits were horrendous.
As I am beginning to give order to my external environment, I am finding that it is easier to focus on my spiritual life. Unsurprisingly, my spiritual life is in much the same shape that my physical environment has been. I am spiritually dusty. My spiritual gifts have been put on the shelf, and I haven't exercised them in a church setting since about 2009.
I remember telling a good friend of mine that I just needed to take some time to be selfish. This was the time that I spent in the proverbial desert. I needed to figure out what my purpose in life was, and I knew that I personally could not do so while distracted by the busyness that often accompanies youth leadership.
After I stepped down from my youth leadership role at Christian Life Cathedral, life didn't get easier. I was being spiritually refined. I found that stresses at work began to consume me. After about two years, I was completely burned to a crisp, and I knew that I had to change professions. In hindsight, I recognize that God was telling me to pursue a profession that allowed me to utilize my spiritual gifts of discernment, healing, wisdom, and knowledge.
Could you please pray that I will be able to keep up the momentum throughout the stressful times in my life? Stressful times such as finals week and heavy caseloads have de-railed me in the past. I recognize that living the healthy lifestyle that I have described is the only way that I will be able to achieve my short and long term goals.
My current life goals in no particular order are to:
Finish my Master of Social Work program (and possibly my Doctor of Social Work)
Find a fulfilling career that will allow me to utilize all of my spiritual gifts
Find a body of believers that I can meet with regularly
Get my weight back down to 185 lbs. (My high-school weight)
-David Rivera
As I am beginning to give order to my external environment, I am finding that it is easier to focus on my spiritual life. Unsurprisingly, my spiritual life is in much the same shape that my physical environment has been. I am spiritually dusty. My spiritual gifts have been put on the shelf, and I haven't exercised them in a church setting since about 2009.
I remember telling a good friend of mine that I just needed to take some time to be selfish. This was the time that I spent in the proverbial desert. I needed to figure out what my purpose in life was, and I knew that I personally could not do so while distracted by the busyness that often accompanies youth leadership.
After I stepped down from my youth leadership role at Christian Life Cathedral, life didn't get easier. I was being spiritually refined. I found that stresses at work began to consume me. After about two years, I was completely burned to a crisp, and I knew that I had to change professions. In hindsight, I recognize that God was telling me to pursue a profession that allowed me to utilize my spiritual gifts of discernment, healing, wisdom, and knowledge.
Could you please pray that I will be able to keep up the momentum throughout the stressful times in my life? Stressful times such as finals week and heavy caseloads have de-railed me in the past. I recognize that living the healthy lifestyle that I have described is the only way that I will be able to achieve my short and long term goals.
My current life goals in no particular order are to:
Finish my Master of Social Work program (and possibly my Doctor of Social Work)
Find a fulfilling career that will allow me to utilize all of my spiritual gifts
Find a body of believers that I can meet with regularly
Get my weight back down to 185 lbs. (My high-school weight)
-David Rivera
Monday, September 10, 2012
Welcome Back
I have been praying that my brother come back to the Lord for many, many years. Welcome back. Through Christ, we are going to change lives. We have envisioned a new type of ministry, it will be developed over time. I don't know what the end-product will be, but it will be Christ-centered, grounded in the truth found in the Bible, and it will reach those who didn't think that anyone would care to love them. It'll be big.
-D
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